HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING, This proposal is about as serious as you can imagine!
Next year we plan to auction off the Opera House! EBay watch out!

PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL COSTS ARE IN AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS

 

FERAL CATS - A MENACE TO AUSTRALIAN NATIVE FAUNA!
CFA SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME RESCUING CATS FROM TREES!

HERE IS THE OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME!

Eradication of Feral Cats?

As you know, most clubs and organisations, find it difficult, year after year to raise funds and I would like to put forward the following proposal or suggestions in an effort to assist in this matter.

Some friends and I intend investing in the establishment of a large cat station near Melbourne, Victoria, and, if you or your organization is interested, we are prepared to offer a 49% paid up capital to join us in this Joint Venture for a relatively small investment of $10,000,000.00.

This is a four year plan but will generate a profit in the second year including paying back the original investment.

It is our intention to start up a small cat station with about a million cats, which will be collected over the first year and breed them with high quality domesticated unwanted males.

In order to appease cat lovers we will capture and collect only feral cats, clean and groom them and breed them with these finest unwanted domesticated males in order to maintain a high quality coat condition.

The feral cats will be trapped humanely and we will also offer a bounty on the capture of 'live' cats.

During the first year we expect our expenses to be about $4,000,000.00 for the capture and collection of feral cats but this is also a once only outgoing.

Since this could be seen as a program to rid Australia of feral cats from the bush and put them in captivity, we would approach the Federal Government for a grant to purchase a property and to buy rats to feed them during the first year. Undoubtably the Government would be forced to provide the funding essential for the operation in order to negate the 'Greens' vote. We believe that both of the leading parties, namely Labour and Liberal would agree to the grant in order to be seen to be doing something to alleviate the feral cat problem which, according to the 'Greens' is wiping out the native fauna population. Certain Melbourne and urban Councillors would be approached to lobby on our behalf as the public has become aware that there are moves to eradicate all feral cats in the bush and trapped cat in the suburbs.

We would also seek 100% tax break for the first four years in order for us to recoup the investment and have a great time at taxpayers expense.

The cats will be fed rats, as they are cheap to obtain.

Administration and advertising costs can be expected to be about $3,000,000.00 for the first year and utility costs would be in the vicinity of $1,000,000.00 bringing the total investment required to $8,000,000.00, leaving a $2,000,000.00 surplus to cover the labour cost in the second year.

During the second year there would be no need for advertising thereby bringing the administration costs down to say $1,000,000.00

We understand that interbreeding domestic cats with feral cats may cause initial problems causing a few injuries to the male as they try to mate and in the first two years of the venture we expect veterinary expenses to be higher. We do not need them to be de-sexed because it defeats the purpose of the breeding program and there would be no need for cat flu vaccinations as they are unlikely to have health problems during their short life span.

However, to offset this initial scrapping problem, when the females come on heat they become as randy as hell and the pheromones attract the male cats like iron filings to a magnet! Additional research and development will be conducted during the period of the first two years to cut costs wherever possible.

We intend to provide an escape proof, comfortable environment and, under the right conditions, we expect that each female cat will produce an average of about 12 kittens per year.

HOW CAN OUR CAT STATION BE PROFITABLE?

There is a very large market internationally for cat skins and in some Asian countries cat is also considered a delicacy.

Starting with a million cats, we can expect about 4,000,000 cats to reach maturity in the first twelve months giving a total of twelve million cats reaching maturity in the second year of operation.

The cats will be high graded to produce optimum quality coat colour and texture and these high graded cats will become the breeding stock for the next 12 months. Over the following 4 months a further 4,000,000 cats will reach maturity, and during the next 4 months a further 4,000,000 cats will also come on heat giving a total of twelve million randy female cats to commence the third year of operation.

Cat skins can be sold for varying prices, the white ones sell for about $3.00 and the black ones sell for $4.00. However, if the government introduce a bounty of $10.00 on cat tails, similar to the bounty being offered for fax tails, our operation could be even more profitable!

We will be in a position to skin 1,000,000 cats during the first year, these being the original cats. Black skins bring a better price so we would select those cats producing predominantly black litters for further breeding purposes to maximize profits in future years. White skins are also popular but do not command such a high price.

Obviously, in the first year there will be a larger volume of multi coloured skins but there is still a market for these at about $1.50 each giving a small profit on costs. Again, feral cat tails could be worth as much as $10.00 each reaping a huge profit for our investors.

At this stage we should add that the growth potential could be huge!

Allowing for 20% of the cats being white, 20% of the cats being black and the remaining 60% of the cats being multi-coloured, we can assume that this would generate sales receipts of $2,300,000 during the first year. However the cats will be breeding during the first year and we expect about 12,000,000 cats to reach maturity and start breeding in during the following twelve months. This is sufficient to commence employing cat skinners.

A good cat skinner can skin about 112 cats per day and will work for $15.00 per hour.

Allowing for sick days, annual holidays and public holidays, and excluding weekends we are assuming that there will be 215 working days per year so we could expect a cat skinner to skin 24,080 cats per year.

Detailing cats would also be quicker and at $10.00 per tail, which would only be used for making simulated 'coon skin' caps (similar to that worn by the famous 'Davy Crockett'). Most of the value is in the skin and we could offer a small discount for skins without tails.

We would, therefore, only need a total of 41.5 skinners in the first year. At a budgeted cost of $1.07 per skin, the total skinning operation would cost $1,070,000.00. By taking advantage of Federal Government and State Government initiatives and incentive schemes we could expect further contributions by employing people on Social Security and have a great deal of the wages subsidised.

However, the subsidies will not be taken into account in this proposal and the benefits will be divided up amongst the Directors at the end of the year. Of course there will be a lot of money left over for a huge party and certainly entertainment and travel expenses.

Since this will be export oriented there are also adequate incentives through AUSTRADE to recover all of the costs of overseas travel and monies spent overseas in securing the orders and obviously the Directors and their friends and their friends friends and families etc. will be able to take advantage of the 'free' overseas sojourns.

So, from your total investment of $10,000,000.00 this new Joint Venture Company would generate sales of $2,300,000.00 worth of skins in the first year. Take away the cost of skinning this leaves a profit of $1,230,000.00 with a 49% interest in the Joint Venture the company would pay dividend of $602,000.00.

We realise that this is a relatively small dividend but it represents a 6.02% interest on funds invested, which is better than bank interest, and there are no hidden charges to whittle away your investment.

During the second year we would also expand our breeding stock to 12,000,000 cats
So, during the second year of operation we would need to steadily increase our number of cat skinners to accommodate the larger number of cats reaching maturity for skinning.

As we previously stated, cats are fed rats exclusively and rats breed four times faster than cats so we would establish a rat station adjacent to the cat station. If we start this with a million rats, after the first year, we will be having four rats per cat per day. The rats in turn will be fed on the carcasses of the cats we skin and on carcass will feed four rats.

As you can see the operation will, therefore, become self-supporting - the cats will eat the rats and the rats will eat the cats and we will get the skins.

We will still seek the Government Subsidies, even though we don't need them, to spend on new homes and various other eccentricities etc. and since we won't be paying any tax for four years we can build a pretty nice nest egg.

Our research and development team will also attract grants for new technology and by the end of the third year we would still only be employing 498 cat skinners again gaining Government subsidies for creating employment. Wages would, however, increase from $1,070,000.00 to $12,840,000.00 but the subsidies would go into our own pockets.

Total sales from the second year, not including sale of tails, would be a minimum of $27,600,000.00 less expenses as follows:

Administration: $ 1,000,000.00
Cat Skinner Wages: $12,840,000.00
TICR* say: $ 2,000,000.00
Total Expenditure: $15,840,000.00

thereby showing a profit of $11,760,000.00 and paying you, the investor a dividend of $5,762,000.00, based on the same proportions of cat colours.

However, we will be breeding out the unwanted colours to focus on the black and white cats so we anticipate reducing the multi-coloured cats to about 20% during this time frame thereby increasing sales of skins to a total of $36,480,000.00 without further cost this would give us a total profit of $20,640,000.00 paying your side a dividend of $10,113,600.00

thereby recouping the total investment.

As you can see, there is potential for a dramatic growth rate of the business with profit from the second year of the operation increasing rapidly as we achieved a return of our total investment by the end of the second year. Everything remaining constant, profits from the third year would be whopping, absolutely huge and staggering and tax-free.

Because of advances in gene technology we may be able to get Government grants once we have proved the viability of the project and it is intended to separate say 1,000,000 cats and implant them with the genes from snakes which cause the snake to shed it's skin twice annually. This will give us two cat skins per year and eventually cut down on labour cost once the necessity to skin the cats has been removed.

We would also ensure that we breed only black and white cats to maximize profits and take advantage of a huge market potential through Australia by importing black and white apparel for Collingwood supporters who hate the Cats anyway.

We are sure that from our forecasts you will appreciate the huge potential of this venture and would suggest that you subscribe early so as not to miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity.

As you can imagine, with a proposition such as this we will be inundated with enquiries so we advise that you take immediate advantage of the genuine opportunity and take up shares immediately. Hurry, the offer runs out soon. We are not gamblers but we bet you any money you like that the shares will be snapped up as soon as people get to ear about this project.

We have conducted our research with all due diligence, and make reference to such books as "101 Uses For A Dead Cat" and 1001 Uses For A Dead Cat". I am sure that many of you have read these books and asked yourself "Where can you buy the products?". The third stage of the operation could be a retail store and eventually franchising, state-wide, nation-wide and world wide. If it ain't broke fix it!

DISCLAIMER - (there always has to be one)

The author of this proposal accepts no responsibility for any investor who forwards money without first running the idea past his accountant and we further suggest that all applicants conduct a feasibility study prior to making a commitment.

Maaaate she's a beauty! You gotta be in it to win it!

 * TICR - Things I Can't Remember!


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I HOPE THAT YOU DIDN'T TAKE THIS PROPOSAL SERIOUSLY!

I HAVE TWO CATS OF MY OWN AND THEY HAVE LITTLE BELLS ON A COLLAR AROUND THEIR NECKS. THEY ARE IN GOOD HEALTH AND ARE WELL FED! FRESH FISH, RAW MEAT AND CHICKEN..... I WISH THEY OWNED ME!!!